| Kraft Inspires Top 5 Unnaturally Stuffed Foods |
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| Written by Heather McKee | |
| Monday, 14 April 2008 | |
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Kraft has developed yet another bizarre strain of stuffed food – the “Bagelful.” As you’ve already guessed, it’s a bagel tube stuffed with cream cheese. Testers complained there was too little cream cheese, but said the convenience was hard to match. Food giants including Kraft have profitable histories of mechanically/chemically interlacing multiple foods that we eat together anyway, like jam and bread, or cheese and hot dogs. Mysteriously, we will pay more for these chimeras of convenience, for more packaging, more processing and less real food - for the Pop-Tart, the Oscar Mayer Cheese-Filled Weiner.
In light of Kraft’s newest stuffed food, the Bagelful, perhaps we should allow ourselves a modest nostalgia about our love affairs with these value-added hybrid beasts - particularly the stuffed ones. So here are our:
Top Five Totally Unnaturally Stuffed Foods:
Twinkies: Since their invention in 1933, the consumption of these snacks has risen to over 500 million packages each year. They were probably your first factory-stuffed food. Here’s a question for you though: what the hell is a Twinkie supposed to represent? It took me a minute to remember it’s meant to be cake and frosting. Fun Fact: Twinkies were popular bomb shelter items in the 1960’s because of their extraordinary longevity.
Ho-Hos: For those kids that didn’t like vanilla cake – the black twinkie, with extra frosting. Fun Fact: Ho-Hos (and Twinkies) contain over forty different ingredients – with colorings, flavorings, and preservatives that come from petroleum and natural gas.
Pop-Tarts: The pop tart is really nothing but a factory sealed jam and cookie sandwich. With frosting. And strange little holes to let the “jam” offgas as you microwave it. Fun Fact:Red #40 and Blue #6 are ranked at the same level of ingredients as apples or pears.
Cheese-Filled Oscar Meyer Weiners: Do you remember when they even had the chili-cheese stuffed hot dogs? Jesus, I’m starting to think this childhood obesity epidemic was part of a massive stuffed food conspiracy-theory. Fun Fact: Okay, we had to tell you that at the Oscar Mayer website you can play Wiener Patrol and Wiener Pong.
Combos: So I sort of want to go the gas station right now. I love Combos. Not the super-weird flavors that promise an entire Mexican restaurant in a ½ inch tube, but just like the pretzel and cheese ones. Fun Fact: In my former life, I counted 26 Combos in a a package that I paid 99 cents for. For the price of four little packages, I could have had a whole bag of pretzels, a block of cheese, and a smaller carbon footprint.
Let’s just hope Kraft doesn’t try to marry their two major lines of hybrid foods, the frosting/cake line and the cheese/meat line. But then again - it sure would be convenient.
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It's true what our moms said...we are what we eat. In fact, it's truer than they thought. What I eat doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects all of us.
Unfortunately, the story of food can sometimes be complicated. But envirovores help each other out...which is why this blog will be bringing you news, tips, and information about food and the environment every step of the way.
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